What I Wish I’d Known About Biophilia When We First Moved to the Suburbs

When I first heard the word “biophilia,” I’ll be honest – I had to Google it. This was a few years back, right around the time I was starting to notice how much happier my kids seemed when we spent time outside versus cooped up in our dark, poorly-lit house. I thought it was just some fancy term for “liking plants,” but turns out there’s way more to it than that.

The more I read about biophilia, the more I realized I’d been experiencing it my whole life without having a name for it. You know that feeling when you step outside after being indoors all day and just take a deep breath? Or how your stress melts away when you’re sitting by water? That’s not just in your head – it’s this deep-wired connection humans have with the natural world.

I remember the exact moment this clicked for me. I was carrying my colicky daughter around the house at 2am (again), and we ended up by the one decent-sized window in our living room. She immediately settled down, staring out at the streetlight illuminating some scraggly bushes and a neighbor’s maple tree. It wasn’t even a beautiful view, but something about that connection to the outside world calmed both of us down. I started parking myself there during those late-night sessions, and it became our little refuge.

**Why This Matters More Than I Initially Thought**

The thing is, biophilia isn’t just some modern wellness trend. This connection to nature is literally built into our DNA. I fell down a research rabbit hole one night (thanks, sleepless newborn phase) reading about how our ancestors survived by deeply understanding their natural environment. They had to know which plants were safe, how to read weather patterns, where to find water – their lives depended on being tuned into nature.

That instinctive knowledge didn’t just disappear when we moved into cities and suburbs. It’s still there, which explains why my son with ADHD focuses better after he’s spent time outside, or why my daughter sleeps more soundly when we keep her bedroom windows open for fresh air and natural light cycles.

I started noticing this everywhere once I knew what to look for. Why do people pay premium prices for houses with big windows and garden views? Why do we automatically feel more relaxed in spaces with plants? Why do my kids gravitate toward certain areas of our yard and avoid others? It’s not random – we’re responding to environmental cues that our brains are evolutionarily programmed to notice.

**How This Shows Up in Everyday Family Life**

Once I understood what biophilia actually meant, I started seeing examples of it everywhere in our daily routine. My wife started bringing small potted herbs into the kitchen, and suddenly cooking became more enjoyable for all of us. The kids loved touching and smelling the basil and mint, and I noticed I felt less stressed prepping dinner when I had something green and alive nearby.

We also started prioritizing outdoor time differently. Instead of just sending the kids outside to “get some energy out,” we began treating nature time as essential as homework or bath time. Weekend hikes became a regular thing, not just when we had extra time. I built that simple mud kitchen in the backyard partly because I’d read about how hands-on interaction with natural materials helps kids develop better.

Even small changes made a difference. Replacing our heavy living room curtains with lighter ones that let in more natural light improved everyone’s mood during those long winter months. Adding a few low-maintenance houseplants to the kids’ rooms helped them sleep better – something about having living things nearby that they found comforting.

The pet situation was interesting too. We’d been on the fence about getting a dog, but understanding biophilia helped me realize it wasn’t just about teaching the kids responsibility. Having an animal in the house satisfied this deep need for connection with other living beings. Our rescue mutt has been amazing for both kids, especially my son, who seems calmer and more focused after playing with her.

**The Challenges We Face Living in Suburban Reality**

Here’s the thing though – even in our suburb with actual yards and trees, it’s still hard to maintain that natural connection. Our neighborhood was designed around cars, not walking. The kids’ school is a typical 1970s brick building with tiny windows and fluorescent lights everywhere. Most of their daily environment is still pretty artificial.

I’ve read about “nature deficit disorder,” and honestly, it explains a lot about what I see in kids today, including sometimes my own. They’re anxious, have trouble focusing, struggle with sleep – and a lot of it stems from spending most of their time in environments that work against our basic biology instead of with it.

The research on this is pretty eye-opening. Kids who grow up with limited access to nature show higher rates of anxiety and depression. Adults living in cities with fewer green spaces report more stress and mental health issues. It’s not that technology and urban living are inherently bad, but we’ve swung too far in the direction of separating ourselves from the natural world.

Even in our situation – suburban house, decent yard, nearby parks – it takes conscious effort to maintain that biophilic connection. Between work schedules, school activities, and just the general busy-ness of family life, it’s easy to fall into patterns where we’re barely spending meaningful time outside.

**Practical Ways We’ve Made This Work**

The key for us has been making small, consistent changes rather than trying to overhaul everything at once. I started with things we could afford and manage with two young kids and busy schedules.

Indoor changes were easiest to start with. More plants (I killed several before figuring out what actually grows well in our light conditions), lighter window treatments, rearranging furniture so we had spots to sit near windows. I learned basic stuff about task lighting so the kids could do homework by natural light when possible instead of harsh overhead fluorescents.

For the yard, I focused on creating different types of spaces rather than just maintaining a perfect lawn. Native plants that attract butterflies and birds, a small vegetable garden the kids help tend, areas with different textures and materials they can explore. Nothing fancy – mostly stuff I learned from YouTube and trial and error.

We also changed how we think about scheduling. Instead of outdoor time being what we do if we have leftover energy, it became a non-negotiable part of our routine. Morning walks before school when weather permits. After-dinner yard time instead of immediately going to screens. Weekend nature outings planned in advance, not just when we remember.

The vacation and travel approach shifted too. Instead of just focusing on entertainment and convenience, we started prioritizing places where the kids could have real nature experiences. Camping trips, beach rentals, cabin stays – anything that got us away from artificial environments for a few days.

**What I’ve Learned About Making This Sustainable**

The biggest thing I’ve figured out is that biophilia doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. You don’t need to move to a cabin in the woods or completely transform your living situation. Small, consistent connections with nature can make a real difference in how your family feels and functions.

I’ve also learned that this isn’t just about the kids – I need it too. When I’m stressed from work or feeling overwhelmed with family stuff, spending time in our garden or taking a walk around the neighborhood genuinely helps me reset. My wife was skeptical about my “plant obsession” at first, but she’s noticed that I’m more patient and less reactive when I’ve had some outdoor time.

The community aspect has been surprising. Once I started talking about this stuff with other parents, I found a lot of families dealing with similar issues – kids with sleep problems, focus challenges, general anxiety. We’ve started organizing informal nature play dates and sharing resources about local parks and outdoor programs.

Working with my son’s ADHD has really driven home how important environmental factors are. The medication and behavioral strategies are crucial, but the natural elements – outdoor time, natural light, plants in his room, reduced visual clutter – make everything else work better. His teachers have started noticing patterns too, like how he has better days when he’s spent time outside before school.

**Moving Forward with This Understanding**

I’m not trying to be the perfect biophilic parent or create some Instagram-worthy natural paradise in our suburban split-level. What I’m trying to do is work with our family’s basic biology instead of against it, and help my kids develop a healthy relationship with the natural world that will benefit them throughout their lives.

The more I learn about biophilic design principles, the more I notice opportunities to make small improvements. Better natural lighting in the kitchen. Native plants that support local wildlife. Creating outdoor spaces that actually invite the kids to spend time there instead of just looking pretty.

This isn’t about being anti-technology or trying to live like we’re still hunter-gatherers. It’s about recognizing that humans have this deep-seated need for connection with the natural world, and finding realistic ways to honor that need within the constraints of modern family life.

If you’re dealing with kids who seem anxious, struggle with focus, or just generally seem happier outdoors than inside, it might be worth looking into this whole biophilia thing. Start small – a few plants, more natural light, regular outdoor time – and see what you notice. For our family, understanding and working with these natural connections has made a real difference in our overall happiness and well-being.